I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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