I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
