i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
