i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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