I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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