If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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