Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
our cab driver is having phone sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
