no, he came in my armpit
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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