I think my vagina is haunted
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
