You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize