the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
