my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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