Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
