Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
