She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
