Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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