I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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