Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
