Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
