I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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