Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
