I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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