Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I checked into jail on foursquare
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD