and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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