I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
someone owes me an orgasm
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize