erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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