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so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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