im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i can juggle bunnies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.