I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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