I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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