Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
