then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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