Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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