Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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