I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
