i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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