Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
