Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
