Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
