Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
