we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
