my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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