Jerry, you need to find god
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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