it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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