the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
