Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
