eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
