so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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