Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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