So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
