I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
