well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
