maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
