i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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