I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
