so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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