I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
