she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
