this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
