I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this just has baby written all over it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
