Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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