I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
