i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
