I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
