I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
