guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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