the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
