woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
