Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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