listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
