Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Terrible idea I love it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
