to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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