I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
