Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
