420 ftw
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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