eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
