wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
