I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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