Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
