Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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