i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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