when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
