I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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