HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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