There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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