he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
