I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
