I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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